Adults Coping With Alcoholic Parents

 

Growing up in an alcoholic household can be tremendously traumatic for a child. But there are instances when the problem remains buried or perhaps nonexistent until that child reaches adulthood. As you grow older and more observant, you may begin picking up signals that a parent in the home was hiding an addiction. And as difficult as it may be; once you hit adulthood, you may be called upon to identify and resolve this life-threatening issue.

 

The BBC actually flagged this growing trend on their website. In an article on their homepage, the global news outlet called out a sharp increase in grown children taking their parents into treatment. For example, the Association for the Children of Alcoholics (also known as ACOA) received inquiries from more than 23,000 people last year. That pales in comparison to the stats from 2013, which leveled off at 6,400.

 

But the data doesn’t end there. The site went on to report that as many as one in three older adults battling alcoholism first developed it later in life. Now there could be a myriad of reasons for this occurrence. An aging parent may find themselves drinking after the loss of a spouse, or perhaps depression after retirement. They could also be dealing with more physical pain at an advanced age and look to booze as a coping mechanism.

 

This scenario can be especially difficult for the adult children, as they never grew up with alcoholism in the home. Seeing a problem occur somewhat suddenly in an older parent can stir up a variety of difficult emotions, as NACOA rep Stephanie Page explained to The BBC.

 

“The parent may have retired and is lonely; they may have had issues adjusting to retirement,” Page told he site. “The adult child of the alcoholic often finds that really difficult because they haven’t seen this side of them before and they may not know what to do. It can be really surreal seeing this side to your parent.”

 

Having to take the lead and “reverse roles” with a parent can be very difficult, especially when it comes to seeking out treatment. At Inneractions, we have been through these instances countless times and are happy to offer support or counseling before step one is taken. If you or someone you are close to is dealing with an alcoholic older parent, please reach out so they can get the care and recovery regimen they need.

 

Why Are More Women Abusing Opioids?

 

As the opioid addiction crisis continues to cripple the country, more studies are underway to determine some of the causes behind these dependencies. Of course it’s hard to pinpoint one single underlying factor, but there are some interesting trends that have been emerging regarding painkiller abuse and gender. In the case of women, for example, certain research has shown that domestic violence may play a role in why females begin using.

 

Nabila El-Bassel is a professor of social work at Columbia University. In article for the academic site The Conversation, she discussed examples and stats that may lend credence to the physical abuse theory. El-Bassel also touched upon the slippery slope many addicted women face and how an opioid dependency can quickly evolve into heroin needles and the potential for HIV contractions.

 

“Research has repeatedly indicated that drug use is associated with partner violence, specifically against women, who may be particularly susceptible to such violence when under the influence of opioids,” El-Bassel wrote. “Living with substance use disorders puts these women into a number of contexts that expose them to HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases that jeopardize their survival in many ways.”

 

Another harsh reality is that domestic violence can lead to painkiller prognoses. It’s a sad fact, but there are many abused women who need to be hospitalized for their injuries; breaking bones and receiving brutal concussions. A common treatment method for that has been opioid prescriptions, in the hope that they can reduce the severe physical ailments. So, in essence, the household violence could ultimately lead to a woman’s first exposure to opioids.

 

El-Bassel also brings up the fact that abusive male spouses sometimes purposely feed addictions to assert more control. A common technique will be undermining a woman’s attempt to get sober and preying on sensitive emotions. It is ultimately done as a form of dominance.

 

One other alarming stat brought up by El-Bassel was the fact that women are nearly three times less likely to receive the life-saving naloxone treatment during an overdose. In her opinion, it was because women may be devalued and there could be a gender barrier involved that first responders may not be aware of.

 

El-Basel finished her piece with some recommendations on how society as a whole can help to change the stigma.

 

“Women who use drugs face multilayers of stigma and disbelief, preventing them from disclosing problems such as partner violence,” she wrote. “Staying in treatment is difficult for women when services are designed and delivered by men who may not know how to create an environment of trust for women. These issues must be changed if we are serious on addressing the opioid epidemic among women.”

 

The Reality Of Survivor’s Guilt

 

This past month, there have been several troubling stories about Survivor’s Guilt and the suicides of those closely impacted by the Sandy Hook and Parkland shootings. Tragically, those who lived through those traumatic incidents wound up taking their own lives during pivotal anniversary dates and remembrances. The truth of the matter is, this is a very real issue and one that deserves to be addressed.

 

Three key figures in those prior tragedies took their lives in March 2019. Jeremy Richman was the father of a Sandy Hook student who was murdered in the 2012 massacre. His suicide was discovered this past Monday. Just a few days prior, Sydney Aiello and an unnamed Parkland student also killed themselves after having survived that 2018 attack.

 

With more incidents like these occurring, it is likely that suicidal tendencies will begin to emerge within the circles around the victims. It is said that these feelings may be even stronger among teenagers, as their coping skills haven’t fully matured.

 

Phyllis Alongi, a former clinical director at the Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide, was interviewed for NBC News, addressing the survivor’s guilt phenomenon and how it can impact young people.

 

“The degree to which survivor’s guilt impacts someone’s life may depend on the level of trauma they were exposed to, as well as any pre-existing vulnerabilities to depression and anxiety they had before the event,” she explained. “The issue with a lot of these teens is their problem solving, perception, and coping skills are still immature and underdeveloped, so they’re already at a disadvantage.”

 

And it is apparent that the survivor’s pain can manifest itself in multiple ways. Addiction is a common occurrence for those who have gone through traumatic incidents. People often turn to drugs and alcohol to “numb pain,” though, in reality, these habits only add fuel to the fire.

 

As more of these stories have gone public, other high-profile survivors have spoken out and offered public support. 37-year-old Zach Cartaya, for example, went through the horrific Columbine shootings in 1999. Since then, he has become an outspoken advocate for survivors’ mental health.

 

Cartaya was quoted for the NBC article as well, explaining how his grief turned to anger and later addiction. Now, he works to connect those in similar situation to outreach centers and suicide prevention resources.

 

“It’s so easy to feel isolated after something like this,” Cartaya told the site. “You don’t have to be alone.”

 

If this sounds like a familiar scenario to you, please reach out and let one of our trained professionals help.

 

The ‘Drunkorexia’ Phenomenon

They often say that one disorder can feed into another. And that apparently is the case with a newer issue called “drunkorexia.” Covered in outlets like The Washington Post, this alarming trend involves purposely avoiding food throughout the day in preparation for a night of binge drinking. Worse yet…purging is also commonly linked, as a way to consume heavy cocktails without gaining weight.

Apparently, this is a growing phenomenon among primarily females. As the article explains…many young women do get caught up with body image concerns, while also getting enticed by the party-like atmosphere of college.

“Drunkorexia addresses the need to be the life of the party while staying extremely thin, pointing to a flawed mindset about body image and alcoholism among college students, mostly women,” Post journalist Cara Rosenbloom writes in her article. “But drinking in this manner is dangerous, particularly because the lack of food in the stomach means a faster absorption of alcohol.”

Indeed, it is common knowledge that drinking on an empty stomach can do a lot more damage on organs like the liver. It also lowers the immune system and puts people (especially with low weight counts) at a much greater risk for alcohol poisoning.

And when you think about young women on a college campus, the idea of being blackout drunk can raise many other concerns. Sadly, we are all aware of the sexual assault risks that can happen at those wild parties. Not to mention the drunk driving dangers and the possibility of fights and physical violence.

In an earlier article on The Fix website, drunkorexia was called out as a major concern. For one thing, it was reported that as many as 16 percent of U.S. college students engage in this practice. Plus with the advent of social media, airbrushed supermodels and glorified Instagram icons, “perfect” looks and body sizes are often thrust in front of these 20-somethings’ faces.

Dr. Douglas Bunnell, former president of the National Eating Disorders Association, was interviewed for the piece and believed that anorexia and alcoholism make for a very dangerous combination. He also mentioned that it was easy to see the allure of both from the eyes of a vulnerable young coed.

“Both disorders are behaviors that are glorified and reinforced,” Dr. Bunell told the site. “Binge drinking is almost cool and hip, and losing weight and being thin is a cultural imperative for young women in America. Mixing both is not surprising, and it has reached a tipping point in terms of public awareness.”

Why Are Women Drinking More?

Recently, some stats were released that sent shockwaves through the recovery community. In a span of roughly 10 years, female alcohol consumption has shot up dramatically. In fact, from the period of 2002 to 2012, the percentage of U.S. women who drink more than once a week went from 45 percent to 67 percent. Obviously this begs the question, “why are women drinking more?”  And that’s something that The Fix.com has aimed to answer.

In a piece published this month, the recovery news site broke down the “social” reasons more women are choosing to indulge in wine and spirits. This includes everything from work happy hours, to online dating, to TV and movie stereotypes. Sadly, it does seem as though there are more societal pressures than ever before.

Quoting writer Ginny Hogan, the site touched upon some unique circumstances surrounding females today.

“The reality is that women often drink for different reasons than men do, and it’s not a stretch to think that those reasons often stem from social pressures that women face but men don’t,” Hogan explained. “When we put social pressure on women to not ever appear stressed or anxious, I worry that we instead make alcohol a more appealing option.”

Hogan also cited the “work hard, play hard” mentality that encompasses corporate America. In order to blend in to the executive boys club, many female vice presidents find themselves at company events surrounded by beer and hard alcohol. Though they might not feel inclined to drink, “fitting in” with senior leaders may push them down that path.

Rising the corporate ladder also incurs quite a bit of anxiety. Similar to men, female business leaders may find themselves “needing” a glass of wine (or two) after work. This has often been mistakenly viewed as a way to relax or unwind, but too much alcohol can do quite the opposite.

Other callouts included the “strong” female characters portrayed in the media. Lead actresses on shows like The Good Wife, Scandal and Killing Eve all regularly consume booze, often with a signature drink like a whiskey sour or brandy tumbler.

Dating was the other big factor pointed to in the article. With more online meet ups occurring at bars and restaurants, it is not uncommon for alcohol to be ordered as part of an introductory evening out. Though these may not turn into binge nights, the more frequent they occur the more frequent the female will be consuming alcohol…which could lead to the start of a very bad habit.

Women’s Hormones May Play A Role In Addiction

For decades, there have always been questions about the physiological reasons for addiction. Is it hereditary? Does it have to do with chemicals in the brain? And now, more recently, are certain genders more susceptible to a dependency? Well according to some new science from Vanderbilt University, that last answer should be a resounding “yes.”

A report compiled by Vanderbilt researchers recently revealed that female hormones do play a role in women’s addictive behaviors. Not only that, the same study claims that they may be more prone to relapsing than men. As lead researcher and Assistant Professor of Pharmacology Erin Calipari explained, studying substance abuse by gender may be very beneficial to the recovery world.

“Women becoming addicted to drugs may be a fundamentally different process than men,” she told the website Science Daily. “It’s important to understand this, because it’s the first step in developing treatments that are actually effective.”

Some of the research that Calipari shared traced back to occurrences like a monthly menstrual cycle. What her team’s findings showed was that when fertility-related hormone levels are high, women make stronger associations to cues in their environment and are more prone to seek rewards. Pleasure seeking and “rewards,” as we all know, are often tied back to drinking and drug use.

The Vanderbilt research specifically tied into behavioral experiments involving male and female rats. For a period of several months, the specimens were allowed to dose themselves with cocaine by pushing down on a lever. A light would then switch on, building a visual association to the pleasure seeking. The team made a point to associate this with visual cues humans may encounter, such as alcohol advertisements or drug paraphernalia. When the female rats’ hormone levels were high, the visual cues became more stimulating and the lever pushing increased dramatically.

Calipari added that this data adds on to previous research that had shown women being more prone to addiction. As she put it, emotions like vulnerability also contributed to the behaviors.

“There’s epidemiological data that says women are more vulnerable, but it’s unclear what the factors are,” she concluded. “We know they transition to addiction faster and have more problems with craving and relapse. Now, with research like this, we’re beginning to isolate environmental and physiological causes.”

Whatever the reason, we hope women facing addiction understand that there are many biological factors at play within this very real problem. Hopefully, it can help remove some of the shame and guilt that often accompany a dependency. If there is a mom, daughter, sister or friend you are close to dealing with this issue, please reach out and let us help.

How Yoga Can Help With Recovery

 

We’ve talked about many different outlets to help people stay focused on sobriety after battling an addiction. And one that continues to garner positive results is yoga meditation. Not only does it help clear your mind and focus inward, it also has a lot of physical benefits; such as building strength and improving flexibility. And don’t just take our word for it. Across the country, more and more yoga recovery practices are being put into play. One example is happening in Columbus, Ohio and making national headlines.

 

The Trini Foundation was started by a man who successfully beat an addiction himself. Taylor Hunt was recently featured on TheFix.com website and discussed his yoga facility, which appears to be changing lives within his community. It is worth noting that Ohio is one of the hardest hit states when it comes to America’s opioid crisis, so a relief like this is more than welcomed.

 

What Hunt did with his foundation, was make an affordable yoga studio that focused on sobriety and methods to keep people clean.

 

“I became an Ashtanga yoga teacher 10 years ago,” Hunt explained to the site. “I wanted to make sure other people could do the 12 steps and take yoga, do them together, because it can give you a completely different equation. I began believing that I didn’t have to live in this pattern of addiction and relapse that a lot of people in the 12-step program struggle with. But I knew that financially a lot of people in recovery couldn’t afford yoga. So I started the foundation because I wanted to be able to give the addict who might not ever have an opportunity to go to yoga a good excuse to go. It’s a tool to save lives. So we raise money so we can provide scholarships to people who are addicts.”

 

So far, the Foundation has become a major success. It got the attention of the local Columbus Dispatch and is now working with prison programs to help those struggling behind bars. It’s also built a large social media following and has an active website with blogs and news updates.

 

We certainly wish Taylor and the Trini Foundation much continued success. And if you happen to be closer to our neck of the woods, we would be happy to get in touch and connect you to sobriety themed workshops across Southern California.

 

Alcoholism And Bipolar Disorder

 

We have mentioned many times before how mental health and addiction issues can often intertwine. And according to recent research uncovered by U.S. News & World Report, people suffering from bipolar disorder (also known as “BD”) may be most at risk. Apparently, it is the highest-ranking co-occurring disorder associated with substance abuse.

 

U.S. News specifically called out alcoholism as a common link. Sadly, BD sufferers tend to abuse the bottle the most and are more likely to be hospitalized because of chronic drinking. The research also points out that the reverse may be true. In that scenario, people who are alcoholics and have a family history of mood disorders can quickly develop BD as their addiction worsens.

 

Both of these conditions can quickly escalate into a vicious cycle that U.S. News writer Brook McKenzie aptly labeled, a “tornado.”

 

“For those living with bipolar disorder, this mood disorder is best described as a tornado violently ripping through your life with unpredictable episodes of mania and depression,” McKenzie wrote. “These extreme mood swings and addictive tendencies can interfere with the functions of daily life at work, with family and other interpersonal relationships.”

 

McKenzie went on to list some BD warning signs, as many people are living with this disorder and are undiagnosed. Certain callouts include disorganized thinking (such as clutter across a home or car), crying for no reason, restlessness, euphoria, impulsivity and an increased use of profanity.

 

He also discussed the labels of BD, which include bipolar 1 and bipolar 2. Bipolar 1 is the most extreme case, where psychiatric hospitalization is necessary and day-to-day functions are impossible. Bipolar 2, however, is the more common occurrence and the one that is associated with alcoholism. It is considered milder and often leads to depression or suicidal thoughts. Research has shown that this is the stage where people often turn to drinking, as a way to numb feelings and ease emotional pain.

 

Of course, as we all know, alcohol DOES NOT lessen a person’s emotional pain and, in fact, increases it. Pairing this with an issue like BD or manic depression can be a very scary combination. McKenzie rightly calls out therapy and professional support as a solution for people suffering from these co-occurring disorders. That type of work is something the team at Inneractions specializes in and we are always available to step in and help at a moment’s notice.

Having ‘The Addiction Talk’ With Your Kids

  Did you know that nearly 21 million Americans over the age of 12 deal are caught up with addictions? That means that kids as young as 13 are facing serious issues with alcoholism and drug abuse. As a parent it may be easy to tell if a pre-teen in your family is struggling, but then question the becomes: How Do You Start That Delicate Conversation?   To their credit, The Huffington Post recently acknowledged this all too common issue and published a helpful article that outlines the ways parents can approach their kids about this topic. Their checklist covered inquisitive approaches (to see if your child may be using) and educational explorations (so they are aware of the substances and the dangers).   Step one involves openness and honesty.  “Kids are much more savvy today,” HuffPo addiction expert John Sovec explained in the article. “And open, honest conversations that take place now can set up the groundwork for keeping substances out of their future.”   That type of honesty may include revealing hard truths about your own past experiences with drugs and alcohol. Sovec added that today’s kids (particularly of the teen set) expect honest answers and don’t like to see their parents lie to them. If you deny experimenting in your younger years, that may actually backfire on you.   Scare tactics are also a no-no, according to the article. If they hear something like drinking beer will get you life in prison, they can easily fact check it and discover it’s a falsehood. At that point, your credibility may be hurt and actual scary stats (about overdoses and relapses) could have less of an impact.   In the same vein, Sovec emphasizes that addiction does not need to be vilified for teens. It is important to acknowledge that it is a disease and that not all people who use are evil.  
“It’s important to emphasize that if someone is addicted, that doesn’t make them a bad person. It means they’re sick,” he added. “Let them know that addiction is an disease, and though it may be tricky to recover from it, people can and do get better. They just need good doctors and support to treat it.”
  Having this difficult conversation is something we, at Inneractions, have had to do many times and we are definitely available as a support system for parents who think their kids may using. Just know that a gentle touch is always recommended and recovery is a reality at any age.

How To Handle An Addicted Parent

No matter how old we get, there will always be uncomfortable subjects to discuss with mom and dad. Even as we begin to think of them more as peers (or even friends), they are still the ones who raised us and a level of respect is always necessary. That is part of the reason why confronting an addiction with an older parent proves to be so difficult. But if substance abuse is occurring, it needs to be addressed for the safety and welfare of the family. U.S. News and World Reports recently published a helpful article on this topic, pointing out tips when it comes to parental interventions.

One of the trends that happens to be rising among older Americans is alcoholism. In fact, U.S. News is reporting that as many as 15 percent of U.S. seniors qualify as “at-risk drinkers.”

So how do we approach a mother, father or grandparent suffering from this? With care and thoughtfulness, as addressed in the article’s highlights below…

Find The Right Time To Discuss It

U.S. News emphasized the best moments to bring up a sensitive issue like substance abuse. Their recommendation is to do it during moments of sobriety, or even in the midst of a hangover when the parent is experiencing physical pain because of their problem. Trying to approach a parent while inebriated can prove challenging and ultimately doesn’t always lead to a meaningful conversation.

Avoid Labels

Use your words wisely, the article warns. Throwing out terms like “alcoholic” or “addict” can create defensiveness and even humiliate a parent. The point here is not to criticize the loved one, but rather to offer encouragement and support. Let them know that there is no shame in their problem and that is very common for people their age.

Continue To Show Respect For Your Parents

For many seniors, it is difficult to receive lectures from their grown children. They are, after all, the wise people who raised you and certainly deserve respect. U.S. News advises to avoid “talking down” to a loved one battling an addiction. Emphasize that this is coming from a place of love and genuine concern. Stern lectures and ultimatums can actually backfire in these types of situations.

Offer To Do The Heavy Lifting

If your parent does show interest in conquering their addiction, help guide them along the process. If it makes things easier, you can be the one to reach out to the appropriate treatment facility and coordinate their journey into sobriety.