Shame and Guilt

Before we tackle the relationship between shame and addiction, it is important to understand the difference between shame and guilt. Often, people use both interchangeably and consider these emotions one and the same. However, some subtle differences need to be noted to understand the relationship between guilt and shame in addiction.

The Difference Between Guilt and Shame

Guilt can be defined as the painful feeling you experienced when you did something wrong or perceived that you did something wrong to someone else. Guilt is the result of a specific “wrong” action, such as making a mistake, forgetting a loved one’s birthday, or hurting someone on accident or on purpose. In most cases, you address the wrong and make amends, and shortly thereafter, you can learn from the experiences and move on with your life.

On the other hand, shame is the internalization of that wrong. When you feel shame, you allow your guilt to manifest, and it affects the way you feel about yourself. When you feel shame, you feel profoundly bad about yourself. You feel contempt for yourself and feel inadequate as a person. When these feelings linger for considerable periods of time, you may look for ways to ease those feelings. In many cases, you may turn to substances. Therefore, it is not a huge shock to learn there are strong connections between shame and addiction.

How Are Shame and Addiction Connected?

The connection between shame and addiction can be seen as a cycle. Those who have a deep sense of shame are more than likely isolating themselves from family members, friends, and others they love. In their isolation, the feelings of being unworthy and inadequate grow and take over their thinking. Over a period of time, those feelings can develop into a mental disorder like depression. When depression sets in, many people will turn to drugs and alcohol as a way to cope with their feelings.

Substances can create a sense of calm and can take the edge off the feelings of unworthiness and being unloved. However, these feelings are temporary. In the case of shame and addiction, people who turn to substances may feel even more shame. This is the result of one seeing themselves as unable to deal with what they feel and having to turn to alcohol or drugs. For those who feel a deep sense of shame, they rarely or ever seek professional mental health help. This is due to the prevailing stigma surrounding mental illness. This stigma is the prevailing social stigma of mental illness being a moral failing and people being “broken” because they have a mental illness. There is also a self-stigma focusing on the strong internal sense of shame one can feel. 

Even if a person wants to quit using substances, stopping use abruptly creates withdrawal symptoms that can be uncomfortable to endure. Depending on the amount of substances used, the length of time substances is used, and how many different substances are used, these withdrawal symptoms can be intense. As a result, people may go back using drugs to stop the withdrawal symptoms. This will be seen as a failure and can further deepen their sense of shame.