Coping With Anger On The Job

A meeting gone wrong. A frustrating co-worker. A missed promotion. These are just a few of the things that can set a person off in corporate America. And truth be told, anger on the job is much more common than people realize. In fact, it is becoming so frequent that the employment site Business Insider wrote an entire feature article devoted to the topic. Emphasizing that these feelings were “very normal” (which we agree with), the mag offered some helpful coping mechanisms and warning indicators illustrating when to seek professional help.

Temple University professor Deanna Geddes was featured in the piece and shared some basic facts that she commonly addresses with her business students.

“Anger is a healthy emotion,” Geddes explained in the Business Insider article. “It signals that something is upsetting us. When we feel anger, it’s helpful to stop and think about what’s really making us angry.”

The BI piece went on to list de-stressing tactics for the workplace. The fist involves removing yourself from a toxic situation. When meetings get tense or you’re having a difficult moment with your boss, it is okay to walk away. Geddes emphasized that exiting gracefully is completely acceptable in the corporate world and cannot be held against you. Simply excuse yourself and perhaps take a walk in the lobby or outside to cool off.

Another tip is to avoid words like “never” or “always.” The article makes a big point to reframe your thoughts and distance yourself from “exaggerated” or “overly dramatic” ruminations. If a bad thing happens at work, it’s easy to go into a spiral and believe the whole day is shot. But that is certainly not the case. BI writer Rachel Premack advises to take a step back and compartmentalize the upsetting moments.

Premack also recommends discussing your frustrations without pointing blame. This could be with the person who upset you or even with a human resources representative. The key is not to bottle up angry emotions inside. You definitely have a right to be heard and many times, your emotions are correct. If there is anger because a co-worker may have taken credit for your work, for example, try and explain it in a calm and straightforward manner (vs. being aggressive). It may not always lead to a perfect resolution, but it can help take away the accusatory and heated feelings.

Of course, work anger can also be the root of deeper rage issues. And that is perfectly normal too. If some of the recommendations above still feel like they’re not solving the problem, our advice is to speak with a counselor and sort through the deeper emotions.

The Roots Of Road Rage

Anger issues are something many of us have to deal with (and can seek out support for). But why do they rear their ugly heads so frequently when we are behind the wheel? Psychology Today writer Steve Albrecht wrote an insightful piece that delved into that topic and the roots of urban road rage.

For those of us in Los Angeles, tempers can flare at a rapid pace. Car travel is a major part of the SoCal experience and with crowded freeways and distracted drivers continually interrupting our commutes, it’s understandable that frustrations can occur. But what is it that can turn “calm people” into rage-aholics?

Albrecht traces it to a need for control. Believe it or not, we can become quite possessive of our driving space; be it a freeway lane or a block within our neighborhood. If another driver interrupts that flow, it can feel like a violation.

Those who suffer from deeper anger issues, however, can experience severe triggers by violations such as these. If you are battling buried rage emotions, a rude gesture on the road can kick off a vicious spiral. And that’s when things really get dangerous.

These situations are the types that lead to violence, arrests and even death. We have all seen the news stories about an angry driver chasing down a “violator,” then smashing their car, beating them up, or even pulling a weapon. Police are often called to these incidents as well, with serious felony charges enacted on road rage aggressors.

Albrecht goes on to share relaxation exercises that people can practice in their car when a potential trigger occurs. His advice includes stress breathing (slowly counting to four, then doing deep exhales), playing relaxing music from your radio and simply continuing to focus on your own car and your own commute.

The bottom line is, these incidents are not personal. The other motorists do not know who you are, nor do they have any vendetta against you. Truth be told, they are simply bad drivers who, more than likely, will pay the price for their inconsiderations later down the road (via a ticket or potential accident). The key is to be grateful that you escaped a close call without any major injury.

“Perspective is the important part of road rage prevention,” Albrecht concluded. “You are you. The other driver is the other driver. Only you can let someone ruin your day or push your hot buttons. Focus on being ‘relentlessly positive,’  and realize you can’t control, coerce, or fix other people. You can only manage you. Practice kindness, starting with you first.”

Identifying The Signs Of Rage Disorder

We all experiences angry moments in everyday life, but at what point does it go beyond that? When does frustration turn to rage and when does “rage” become a problem that requires professional help? The website Romper.com did a nice job categorizing the warning signs of rage disorder into six identifiable traits. Certainly there is more that goes into anger analysis than this (deeper therapy discussions, psychiatric evaluations), but they are some good first steps and we are happy to share them below…

Sign #1: You Can’t Control When You Get Angry

The buzzword most closely associated with this trait is “unmanageability.” If the frustration levels continually overheat and simple inconveniences always seem to set you off, consider this a definitive warning sign of rage.

Sign #2: Guilt After Anger

Remorse is a big part of anger management. Embarrassment is a common trait as well. Having guilty feelings after an outburst can often mean that it was unjustified and probably something out of your control. Rather than experience the shame, seek out help after an temper explosion.

Sign #3: Unhealthy Anger Outlets

This is where things can start to get dangerous. If your frustration levels are leading you to turn to substances or self-harm as a soothing mechanism, there is a real problem at hand.

Sign #4: Continuous Frustration

Romper likened this signal to the term Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). In this scenario, you may find yourself constantly volatile and generally unhappy. There is an extremist attitude of “nothing goes my way,” which can lead to depression and even suicidal thoughts.

Sign #5: Forgetting What Happened During A State Of Rage

Think of this like the “blackout” moments that occur when some drinks or uses too much. Yes, rage can most certainly lead to lost memories because of being too caught up in the moment. If you can’t remember what set you off or how you behaved, your anger is at a very unhealthy stage.

Sign #6: Violence

One of the most dangerous warning signs of them all. If your fits of rage lead to fights, breaking objects or the abuse of the loved one, getting immediate help is essential. No upsetting moment merits harming another person. This could also lead to fines, arrests and serious jail time.

Our advice is to peruse these warning signs carefully and if any (or all) pertain to you, reach out to a trained professional who can help you cope and conquer your demons.

  If you’ve been following our blogs, then you may recall our piece a few weeks back about films that are offering inspiration for addiction survivors. Well for every ying there is a yang, and this week there are a handful of movies being called out for just the opposite. Over on Netflix, two films in particular have been singled out for being insensitive about the topic of mental illness.   Interestingly, the two movies in question happen to be the most popular offerings on the platform right now. Bird Box stars Oscar winner Sandra Bullock and received roughly 45 million views over this holiday month. Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (the other film in question) has been dominating social media as well, but both cover very dark subject matter.   Bird Box has been criticized for “demonizing” mental illness. The plot concerns invisible monsters who encourage victims to take their own lives. That alone is a very touchy subject and it has been said that the way these suicides are handled leave a lot to be desired. What’s worse though, is that people suffering from mental illness become the villains in this movie and actually contribute to the killings.   The website Popbuzz did an admirable job of summarizing the Twitter backlash (posted below).       Black Mirror isn’t faring much better with fans. The website The Mighty focused on that film, saying the plot features insensitive call outs to psychosis, delusions, paranoia and trauma (not to mention lots of blood and gore).   Though the Black Mirror backlash isn’t quite as intense as the Sandra Bullock movie, site writer Elizabeth Cassidy did mention that a warning should be issued before viewers click “Play.” And to her point…Despite the fact that these may be “trendy” films of the moment, you have every right to turn them away and encourage others to do the same.   “It’s OK to skip Bandersnatch if you’re sensitive to these topics,” Cassidy wrote. “Your health and safety are more important than the latest trendy show or movie. If you want to watch the movie but are concerned it might be too much, try watching it with someone you trust.”  

Social Media May Contribute To Anger Issues

Within our practice, we have seen firsthand just how common (and destructive) anger issues can be within a person’s life. There is no denying that the day-to-day grind is chock full of stressors, but interestingly enough, there may be another big contributor to the rise of rage. According to new research from The Independent, social media may play a significant role for people facing this very real problem.   The UK news site shared insights from Mike Fisher, who happens to be the head of the British Association of Anger Management. He has written several books on the topic and worked in the field for over two decades. One thing he highlighted in his interview was the increase of cases that he’s been seeing through his organization. And one of the prime contributors, he claims, is the rise of social networks like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.   “I can speak for myself, I am a complete Facebook addict,” Fisher openly admitted. “I notice I read less, spend less time just getting to chill out, and I can see it becoming a real problem. When someone who is very disconnected and emotionally inept and who is depressed and angry and feels lost, social media gives your life meaning and helps to connect in a very disconnected kind of way. My concern is that as a culture we are finding things to distract us from what’s important. For the average person the big problem is constantly distracting ourselves from our feelings.”   And that, Fisher claims, is the biggest concern for people pouring their free time into social apps. Finding new ways to distract yourself (and we all know what a distraction something like Facebook can be), pushes you away from facing your real problems. It also can create isolation, which is actually ironic since you may have tons of social “friends” who you actually don’t physically interact with.   So while this certainly isn’t a “high alert” concern, we believe it is worth noting. Social media can certainly be its own form of addiction and, truth be told, lead to some negative consequences down the line. Our advice is to simply do self evaluations from time to time and take a moment to see how much of your day you’re actually committing to these sites. And remember. if you are experiencing anger issues, the last thing you want to do is ignore them.   “Stop and take a look at the big picture,” White concluded in his Independent interview. “Anger isn’t going to go away. You have to face it head on and come to terms with the fact you’re angry, and you’ll have to do something about it sooner or later.”