Parenting A Grieving Child

 

Grief can take many forms, depending what age you may be. Imagine the tremendous loss you would feel if your spouse passed away. Now imagine what the experience would be like for your child. The truth of the matter is, kids process these feelings much differently than adults and it is important to understand the nuances.

 

Recently, The American Academy of Pediatrics (aka The AAP) published a helpful guide for parents of grieving children. Several scenarios are explored, but the most common pertains to a spouse who may have lost their life. It doesn’t matter if it was sudden or following a gradual illness, the pain will still resonate throughout the household. Ultimately, a tricky balance emerges where the surviving loved one must grieve for themselves and also care give.

 

Though you may not realize it, children tend to have a lot of empathy. Depending on their age, they may shift their concerns toward the surviving parent and the urgency to “take care of their needs.” They may also experience deep anxiety, thinking that whoever’s left may soon pass away as well. In any case, reassurance is critical; as it helps to ease worries about another dramatic event happening in the home.

 

There is also the difficult hurdle of explaining death to a young child. For them, it is a foreign concept and they will often have a hard time making sense of such a loss. The AAP guide singled this out as a common challenge for parents of grieving children.

 

“Especially in these difficult moments, your love and support are very important to your children,” the guide explains. “They learn how to deal with their grief by watching what you do to cope. However, if the task of explaining death feels overwhelming to you right now, you may want to have someone else assist you with the discussion. Adults can help children understand death accurately. This involves more than simply giving them the facts. It means helping them grasp some important new concepts.”

 

It is advised to speak gently, but frankly to children. As easy as it may seem to soften the blow with the hope that a deceased loved one will return, it is important to never pass along misleading information. You can also create artistic or journaling activities to help tell a story and illustrate the changes happening around them.

 

And setting aside time for professional help is highly recommended. As mentioned above, having a proper support system can make a major difference in how you handle this type of scenario. If an issue like this is impacting your family, please do not be afraid to reach out.

 

Having ‘The Addiction Talk’ With Your Kids

  Did you know that nearly 21 million Americans over the age of 12 deal are caught up with addictions? That means that kids as young as 13 are facing serious issues with alcoholism and drug abuse. As a parent it may be easy to tell if a pre-teen in your family is struggling, but then question the becomes: How Do You Start That Delicate Conversation?   To their credit, The Huffington Post recently acknowledged this all too common issue and published a helpful article that outlines the ways parents can approach their kids about this topic. Their checklist covered inquisitive approaches (to see if your child may be using) and educational explorations (so they are aware of the substances and the dangers).   Step one involves openness and honesty.  “Kids are much more savvy today,” HuffPo addiction expert John Sovec explained in the article. “And open, honest conversations that take place now can set up the groundwork for keeping substances out of their future.”   That type of honesty may include revealing hard truths about your own past experiences with drugs and alcohol. Sovec added that today’s kids (particularly of the teen set) expect honest answers and don’t like to see their parents lie to them. If you deny experimenting in your younger years, that may actually backfire on you.   Scare tactics are also a no-no, according to the article. If they hear something like drinking beer will get you life in prison, they can easily fact check it and discover it’s a falsehood. At that point, your credibility may be hurt and actual scary stats (about overdoses and relapses) could have less of an impact.   In the same vein, Sovec emphasizes that addiction does not need to be vilified for teens. It is important to acknowledge that it is a disease and that not all people who use are evil.  
“It’s important to emphasize that if someone is addicted, that doesn’t make them a bad person. It means they’re sick,” he added. “Let them know that addiction is an disease, and though it may be tricky to recover from it, people can and do get better. They just need good doctors and support to treat it.”
  Having this difficult conversation is something we, at Inneractions, have had to do many times and we are definitely available as a support system for parents who think their kids may using. Just know that a gentle touch is always recommended and recovery is a reality at any age.

Links Discovered Between Teen & Parent Depression

Is sadness contagious? That is probably too bold of a statement to make, but a new study claims that households with a depressed teen often include a depressed parent as well. Termed a “ripple effect” by The Atlantic, it is research that is both alarming and encouraging. Particularly because further data is showing that one family overcomes their issues, so can another.

This particular study included several years of research and monitored 325 teens who were clinically depressed, along with their parents or caregivers. Northwestern University professor Kelsey R. Howard, M.S. oversaw much of the research, which also pointed to an increase in teen diagnoses.

“Depression is a massive public health concern that will take a variety of approaches to better manage,” he explained. “We believe our study is among the first to evaluate how the emotional health of a child can impact that of the parent.”

One interesting component regarding the adults was that not all caregivers had biological connections to the children. In fact, a good portion were adoptive parents. Regardless, it was shown that mom or dad’s depression affected both their adopted and non-adopted children. Now other research has shown a genetic link with issues like depression, but this proves that environmental factors are also at play.

“The concept of emotions being ‘contagious’ and spreading from person to person is well-known by psychologists,” Howard added in the article. “This work opens up a range of possibilities for future research on the family-wide effects of treatment for adolescent depression.”

But as we mentioned before, there were quite a few positives to arise from this research as well. One very encouraging stat showed that when depressed teens go through some version of mental-health treatment, symptoms of depression in their parents lessen. So, in many ways, “happier kids lead to happier parents” and certainly the vice versa is true as well.

One big recommendation is opening up an entire family to mental health treatment. Sure the teenage child may be exhibiting more outwardly depressed symptoms, but bringing parents into therapy can open up the healing process on a much grander scale.

As Howard concluded in the article; though alarming, there are quite a few silver linings to come out of this data. And he is certainly hopeful that families can use this information to make a positive change.

“It’s terrific to have that data,” he explained. “I think that it highlights our need to look at the interaction between a teen and their family members … The more support the family can get, the better.”