Holidays Without A Loved One

 

The holidays are certainly a special time. For most, they commemorate annual traditions and family togetherness. But if this happens to be the first year without a loved one due to an untimely passing, then the tone can easily shift towards pain or grief. This is actually a very common occurrence during December and one that begs further conversations.

 

The website Health.com recently touched upon the topic of grief during the holidays, offering solutions and coping mechanisms for people dealing with a difficult month. Truth be told, it doesn’t matter if your loved one passed early in the year or a few weeks back; a Christmas, Hanukkah or New Year’s celebration without them can be just as painful.

 

One thing that Health emphasized was not trying to shut out those memories. Instead, writer Rebeca Soffer mentioned carrying on at least one ongoing tradition that had been handled by the deceased loved one. Whether it’s a “famous recipe,” an after dinner routine or a decoration that symbolizes them. As Soffer put it; this ritual can be very minor, but can serves to overcome a state of grief.

 

“Consider choosing one treasured ritual, like opening gifts in your sister’s preferred order or watching your husband’s favorite holiday film, and give yourself permission for flexibility on the next holiday if your grief is in a different place then,” she wrote. “This kind of selectivity allows you to foster a sense of connection without exhausting yourself physically and mentally, or turning the month into an emotional minefield.”

 

Another way of coping recommended by the site, was finding a charitable outlet to donate time towards. The holidays are, after all, about giving back, so doing good deeds during this season can feel especially poignant. If possible, try volunteering for a cause that was close to your lost loved one. It can actually be very therapeutic to spend time doing something that you know they felt passionate about.

 

One final piece of advice (which we also agree with) is to seek out help when it’s needed. Many people do tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves during the holidays, whether it’s shopping, hosting or what have you. Don’t let added grief push you to a breaking point. Talking to a professional is always a recommended plan of action after someone close passes and our team is just a phone call away.

 

The Dark Side Of The Holiday Season

With November upon us, expect to see lots of joyful Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s ads plastered on your TV’s and mobile devices. And while that’s all fine and dandy, it is worth noting that this season can stir up difficult emotions as well. In fact, many studies have shown that depression, anxiety and addictive tendencies all increase during the “holiday season.”

Recently Forbes touched upon this timely issue, calling out several of the triggers that can dredge up dark feelings. Stress, for example, is much more common during the November and December months due to an increase of demands. Everything from work deadlines, to holiday shopping lists, to travel hassles and what have you. A lot can be expected of a person during this period and it is important to take a step back for mental health checks and self care.

Anxiety is another common emotion during this time of year. Though the idea of spending time with family is exciting to most, there can be certain loved ones who create anxious feelings. Facing a dysfunctional family member (who perhaps harassed or abused you) can be tremendously difficult and often times drives people to use in order to escape painful memories.

On the family front, grief also comes into play. Perhaps this is the first Thanksgiving without a parent or a grandparent. That, in itself, is incredibly painful and can send people into a depressive spiral. Divorce and separation is often thrust to the forefront too, especially if you’re anticipating uncomfortable confrontations with an ex.

The Forbes piece called out a specific symptom of depression that occurs during the holiday season. It is defined as “anhedonia” or the loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities. Basically, it is the inability to experience joy or pleasure.

“This is a time when there is an increase in stressful demands, an inability to sidestep family issues, and heavy emphasis put on managing expectations,” Forbes writer Anita Sanz explained in the article. “Thus, the holidays can leave a person dealing with depression with increased feelings of sadness, guilt, inadequacy, overwhelm, alienation, and unworthiness.”

So what can be done to combat these issues? The article goes on to lay out several helpful tactics; including creating laid out plans and timelines, setting realistic expectations and simply avoiding toxic situations. We too are making ourselves available during these months to lend support to anyone anticipating a difficult end of the year. Please, reach out in advance and save yourself unnecessary trauma and pain.