Coping With Anger On The Job

A meeting gone wrong. A frustrating co-worker. A missed promotion. These are just a few of the things that can set a person off in corporate America. And truth be told, anger on the job is much more common than people realize. In fact, it is becoming so frequent that the employment site Business Insider wrote an entire feature article devoted to the topic. Emphasizing that these feelings were “very normal” (which we agree with), the mag offered some helpful coping mechanisms and warning indicators illustrating when to seek professional help.

Temple University professor Deanna Geddes was featured in the piece and shared some basic facts that she commonly addresses with her business students.

“Anger is a healthy emotion,” Geddes explained in the Business Insider article. “It signals that something is upsetting us. When we feel anger, it’s helpful to stop and think about what’s really making us angry.”

The BI piece went on to list de-stressing tactics for the workplace. The fist involves removing yourself from a toxic situation. When meetings get tense or you’re having a difficult moment with your boss, it is okay to walk away. Geddes emphasized that exiting gracefully is completely acceptable in the corporate world and cannot be held against you. Simply excuse yourself and perhaps take a walk in the lobby or outside to cool off.

Another tip is to avoid words like “never” or “always.” The article makes a big point to reframe your thoughts and distance yourself from “exaggerated” or “overly dramatic” ruminations. If a bad thing happens at work, it’s easy to go into a spiral and believe the whole day is shot. But that is certainly not the case. BI writer Rachel Premack advises to take a step back and compartmentalize the upsetting moments.

Premack also recommends discussing your frustrations without pointing blame. This could be with the person who upset you or even with a human resources representative. The key is not to bottle up angry emotions inside. You definitely have a right to be heard and many times, your emotions are correct. If there is anger because a co-worker may have taken credit for your work, for example, try and explain it in a calm and straightforward manner (vs. being aggressive). It may not always lead to a perfect resolution, but it can help take away the accusatory and heated feelings.

Of course, work anger can also be the root of deeper rage issues. And that is perfectly normal too. If some of the recommendations above still feel like they’re not solving the problem, our advice is to speak with a counselor and sort through the deeper emotions.

Links Between Stress And Overeating

We have all heard the term comfort food before, as in “I need to eat a certain dish because I’ve had a stressful day.” Well that happens to be an honest reality and for many, indulging in heavy meals to cope with difficult feelings has led to weight gain and an unhealthy lifestyle. This actually is a much more common phenomenon than most people realize. So much so, that Harvard University recently addressed it on their wellness site.

The Harvard article was actually written by people in their medical department and pointed out some very real scientific links between stress and overeating. For starters, people who deal with consistent stressors can have a physical reaction with their adrenal glands. During certain moments, these glands can release a hormone called cortisol, which has been proven to increase a person’s appetite. And if those moments continue, there could be constant cravings at play.

“Once a specific stressful episode is over, cortisol levels do tend to fall,” the article states. “But if the stress doesn’t go away — or if a person’s stress response gets stuck in the ‘on’ position — the cortisol levels may stay elevated.”

Beyond that, the cortisol hormones may actually drive people towards unhealthier food choices. Studies cited by Harvard show that animals who have exhibited symptoms of distress tend to increase their intake of food high in fat or sugar (sometimes both). Once ingested, these “junk foods” have been shown to have a feedback that dampens stress related emotions. As the article emphasizes, these scientific findings actually do add merit to the comfort food theory.

Beyond indulging in ice cream and fast food, stressors do have other links to weight gain. People who are dealing with external pressures tend to exercise less and drink more alcohol, both of which can contribute to increased pounds and an unhealthy lifestyle.

To help curb the habits, the Harvard writers did offer a few tips for people looking to food for support. If there are overwhelming stress factors in your life, the article recommends meditation as a healthier alternative to eating. Jogging and cardio work has been shown to level off cortisol levels as well. Social support is another key avenue for people dealing with heavy stress. Leaning on friends and family can certainly steer a person away from lonely nights of junk food.

Of course if the problem persists and you are seeing noticeable changes in your weight and overall health, our team is more than happy to step in and offer support.

Finding Work After Addiction: The Truth About the Job Market for People in Recovery

For many people in recovery, the prospect of finding a job is daunting and shrouded in the fear of failure. While the stigma associated with the label “addict” combined with lapses in work history and/or a criminal record does obviously close some doors, it can also open others. Walking through those open doors takes courage, but without guidance, the “addict” may never even find them.

Unemployment is one of the biggest issues facing recovering addicts today. But for those who either attend support groups or addiction clinics, career guidance is typically unavailable. In fact, for many people in recovery, lack of career services and job placement assistance are the major obstacles preventing them from re-launching into the world of work. And ultimately, without work, it’s difficult for them to transition from a life of addiction to a fulfilling, productive lifestyle.

Overcoming Employment Roadblocks

The two most common challenges faced by recovering addicts who want to work include lapses in work history and criminal convictions. These can seem like insurmountable obstacles, but with the guidance of a trained counselor, it’s possible to successfully re-enter the workforce and find a job that is not only fulfilling but gives a sense of purpose.

There is a two-part solution to overcoming the hurdles mentioned above. The first piece has to do with preparing assets and practicing for interviews. The second is about identifying and working with employers who are experienced with hiring people in recovery. While the roadmap to finding meaningful work may not be clear to addict and their families, it’s all in a day’s work for an experienced and connected career counselor.

Finding Meaningful Work

At InnerActions in Woodland Hills, career services are a core component of our outpatient addiction treatment program. Our Career Services Director, Ellie Tabiban, is and a Gallup Certified StrengthsFinder Coach and has helped hundreds of people in recovery unlock their passions and find meaningful careers.

Describing the InnerActions’ career services program, Ellie explains, “What I try to do is offer a vast set of resources to help prepare them for a purposeful future. This includes everything from professional-level career counseling, to resume building, to interview coaching, to job placements.”

At InnerActions, the focus on career development begins during the client onboarding process, during which counselors identify clients that are good candidates to start working with Ellie. The career services program utilizes the StrengthsFinder technology to help clients identify their hidden strengths, known as ‘talent themes,’ and they are taught how to mobilize these talent themes.

The InnerActions career services program is based on the guiding principles of strengths-based and positive psychology. The program utilizes the StrengthsFinder assessment, developed by Gallup and Tom Rath, in order to help identify unique signature personality talents, transferable skills, top motivators, interests, and values.

The top 5 ‘talent themes’ identified through the StrengthsFinder assessment are then used to help clients establish a new career path, one that is aligned with their interests. According to Ellie, “The ultimate goal of the program is to assist them to become self-sufficient and to follow their passions.”

Another essential component of the InnerActions career services program is skills training. Once a client’s core strengths have been identified, they are then taught a set of essential skills that will serve them during both their job search and their eventual career. Working one-on-one with counselors and through workshops, clients get to develop a new optimized resumé, practice key job skills, and work to overcome personal stumbling blocks. Clients are also taught key networking strategies, given practice interviewing, and trained in goal setting and time management.

Unfortunately, career counseling and job placement are often neglected during the addiction counseling and recovery process. By helping recovering addicts discover their hidden talents and begin new, exciting careers, we can help ensure that their clients move on to lead happy, productive, and fulfilling lives.

If you would like more information on the innovative career services program at InnerActions, feel free to send us a message or give us a call at (818) 571-9841.

In the video below, our Career Services Director, Ellie Tabibian, shares 4 essential things that those in recovery should do in order to prepare for re-entering the workforce.

Why Anxiety Can Impact Anyone

You’d think that celebrities would be the last people dealing with anxiety issues. Adored by millions, wealthy beyond compare…It should be a stress-free life, right? Wrong. Tackling issues like depression, shame and panic attacks are just as common in their world as they are in ours. Which is why we’re glad that NBA superstar Kevin Love has come forward to humanize this very real disorder.

Love shot to fame as a hoopster for the Cleveland Cavaliers. Always smiling on the court and during interviews, it came as a surprise to many fans when he penned a moving essay about his struggles. Love’s new motto is “open communication,” emphasizing that that these are feeling that they should not keep to themselves.

Of course, it took Love several decades to come to that conclusion. He admitted keeping his feelings hidden from family and friends for over 29 years. Then the struggles became too heavy and Love found solace through therapy and professional support.

“Mental health isn’t just an athlete thing. It’s an everyone thing,” he wrote. “No matter what our circumstances, we’re all carrying around things that hurt — and they can hurt us if we keep them buried inside. Not talking about our inner lives robs us of really getting to know ourselves and robs us of the chance to reach out to others in need. So if you’re reading this and you’re having a hard time, no matter how big or small it seems to you, I want to remind you that you’re not weird or different for sharing what you’re going through. Just the opposite. It could be the most important thing you do. It was for me.“

Not surprisingly, since that essay was released Love has received thousands of emails and messages of support. He has since gone on the talk show circuit (most recently appearing on The TODAY Show), speaking out about how common these feelings truly are.

The Huffington Post also covered the story, illustrating that 18 percent of the American population lives with an anxiety disorder. In truth, anxiety is the most common mental health issue in the country.

We encourage all of our readers who are experiencing these feelings to reach out and seek help. It will feel like a tremendous weight lifted off your shoulders.

To watch more of Kevin’s inspirational story, click below…

When Does Grief Become Unhealthy?

Grief is something that all of us must face at some point in our lives. But where are the lines drawn? When does “normal mourning” for a lost loved one turn into depression and unhealthy behavior? Truthfully those lines aren’t always black and white, but a new article from The Cleveland Clinic does a nice job of identifying important warning signs.

The insightful piece does hone in on the devastation a person may feel after a close loved one has passed away. Death (or even a sudden job loss or injury) can lead to drastic changes to a person’s lifestyle. Cleveland Clinic director Amy Greene encourages people to open themselves up to these challenging situations and not rush through the pain.

“We live in a culture that wants to quickly move past grief, as though it were an obstacle,” she explained in the article. “We just want to be ‘over it.’ But the truth is, it’s normal for someone who is grieving to feel off-kilter for a very long time. Adjusting to the new reality takes time and does not follow a totally predictable pattern (in spite of what many people will tell you).”

Greene then points out how people should always assess their feelings and take note of patterns that start to become unhealthy. While the grieving described above is very normal, there are turning points which should not be ignored.

Consistent lack of sleep, for example, can be a sign that grief may be turning into depression. Unhealthy eating and drinking habits are another indicator called out in the article, particularly if they last more than three to four weeks.

A feeling of loneliness can also be a borderline symptom. On the one hand, yes it is very normal to want to grieve in private and withdraw from social circles after a major loss. But when that behavior begins to morph into complete isolation, it may be time to seek out help.

Becoming too sedentary is another warning sign to look out for (per the article). Greene recommends “moving your body” even during the grieving period. Going for walks (alone or with company), getting outdoors and staying active are a good methods to avoid depression.

One other big tool to avoid unhealthy grieving is simply setting aside time for a support group. As Greene accentuated, having camaraderie and listening to people in similar situations is a big part of the healing process.

“I’ve seen how much this can be a reprieve; grievers can see an example of others who have coped and are getting through the toughest parts,” Greene concluded. “It helps many people realize, ‘I’m not alone.’ They see that grief is a human thing we all share.”

The Signs Of ‘Codependency Anorexia’

Professionals and bloggers on relationships sites have recently coined a new term when it comes to unhealthy romances: Codependency Anorexia. Now this has nothing to do with an eating disorder per se, but it does relate to those who “starve themselves of love” and give in to a narcissistic partner.

As presented in the popular new book The Codependent Narcissist Trap by Ross Rosenberg, this type of emotional anorexia can severely impact a person’s ability to maintain healthy relationships…even if they decide to leave a codependent partner.

“Codependency anorexia occurs when a codependent surrenders to their lifelong relationship pattern with destructive pathological narcissists,” Rosenberg writes. “The codependent often transitions to this when they hit bottom and can no longer bear the pain meted out by their narcissist. Paradoxically, as it occurs during a moment of clarity, the codependent comes to realize they are powerless over their attraction to lovers who feel right in the beginning, but shortly thereafter hurt them. To protect themselves from the long line of soulmates who unexpectedly become cellmates, the codependent flips their vulnerability switch to off. This results in a complete shutdown of all emotional, relational, and sexual machinery.”

The passage goes on to describe how this type of behavior can create serious damage, both emotionally and sexually. Starving yourself of intimacy (and a primal human condition) can easily escalate into other issues, such as depression and addiction. It can also create isolation, as the sufferer may become so afraid of being hurt again that they withdraw from family and friends.

There is also serious concern if a person dealing with codependency anorexia is a parent. Limiting yourself from affection and trust can be extremely damaging to a child. Another side effect, per Rosenberg, concerns a mom or dad who begins looking to their children for emotional compensation. In this scenario, young offspring are exposed to adult issues and “enmeshment,” which has shown to be harmful for psychological development.

The site Psych Central did a nice job outlining next steps if you or someone you care about is experiencing this. They equate codependency anorexia to having similarities to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (aka PTSD) and believe it should be treated as such. They also recommend forcing yourself to participate in more group activities, staying away from online dating sites and reaching out therapists and treatment centers for support.

Acknowledging Miscarriage Grief

Getting the news that you’re expecting is one of the greatest joys a couple can experience. But for a good portion of pregnant mothers, that elation can turn to devastating sadness when a miscarriage occurs. And truth be told, support is not common in this area (as it may be for a parent or friend who has passed). Sometimes the pregnancy may not even be public news and often times, it is a difficult conversation for loved ones to bring up. BBC News addressed this grief issue quite eloquently in one of their new articles, highlighting the pain and the support that is available.

A miscarriage can occur at anytime throughout the nine months of a pregnancy. And it can be just as emotionally painful early on, as it is closer to the third trimester. Women who have experienced it multiple times have been known to sink into deep depressions and handle any future pregnancies with anxiety and uneasiness. British blogger Anna Whitehouse has gone through five miscarriages and opened up about her pain to the BBC.

“I posted something on my site and just said, ‘I did choose a name too soon,” she explained. “I did decorate a nursery too soon. And there is nothing that can prepare you for that eerie silence on the scan, a silence that you’re just willing, willing to be filled with the rapid sound of a heartbeat.'”

For Whitehouse, writing was the therapeutic approach that helped her heal. As she put it, “opening up the grief” and sharing her experience online allowed others who had gone through similar losses to write back and offer support. And as she correctly pointed out, this is not a common topic that is addressed on sites or in the media. That is something she finds particularly distressing, as many women (and their spouses) may feel like they’re suffering alone.

Whitehouse has now partnered with a charity org called Tommy’s, which is working to add viral support to parents who have experienced miscarriages. They have even created their own hashtag (titled #TogetherForChange) to challenge the stigma of silence around baby loss.

 

“Baby loss isn’t just ‘one of those things’ or a ‘bunch of cells’,” Whitehouse added when discussing the campaign. “And these feelings of guilt and jealousy can be exacerbated and engrained by our daily phone-scrolling through feeds of seemingly perfect [lives]. Tommy’s hope that by challenging the social media taboo and the notion of a ‘perfect pregnancy’, people will come together for support following baby loss and become one voice challenging for medical answers and greater awareness.”

A Checklist For Silencing Shame

Shame and guilt are common feelings that we all experience. But there comes a point when, for many, they can become debilitating and lead into issues like addiction, violence, depression or self-harm. There are ways to overcome them, however, with professional support and some day-to-day exercises to remove the negativity.

Psychology Today writer Dr. David Sack emphasized three points, in particular, to help those dealing with consistent shameful emotions…

Point #1: Don’t Hide Your Feelings

The sad truth is, many people suffer in silence when it comes to shame. As Dr. Sack’s article illustrates, there is a constant feeling of unworthiness and a fear that discussing these emotions will expose the “bad person” you are. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, talking openly about can be a major release, as Dr. Brene Brown explained in the article. “The less we talk about shame, the more power it has over our lives,” she explained. “If we cultivate enough awareness about shame to name it and speak to it, we’ve basically cut it off at the knees.”

Point #2: Separate Actions From Emotions

Dr. Sack goes on to explain how these shameful feelings are often tied to actions in our lives. If someone makes a mistake, it can lead to an overwhelming feeling of guilt and self-criticism. For people suffering, the common go-to thought is “I’m an idiot” or “this is the last time I’ll try something like that.” It is important to separate your sense of self-worth from any action you take. And that goes for victories too. Treat both praise and condemnation with a sense of perspective and you won’t have to deal with a rollercoaster of emotions.

Point #3: Recognize Your Triggers

We all have certain sensitivities and if something we feel vulnerable about is triggered, it can quickly spiral into guilt and shame. Sometimes it could be about the way you parent, other times it may have to do with your career earnings. If there’s a particularly touchy subject in your life, it is important that you work on it. And it is also important that you recognize it and (if possible) avoid situations where it may come into question. As Dr. Sack writes, “Rather than give in to these triggers, seek to ban them from your life. Embrace who you are rather than struggling to fulfill an outside notion of who you should be.“

Above all, know that there is always support out there for these types of emotions. If it is something consistent that you are struggling with, please reach out and get help.

How To Handle An Addicted Parent

No matter how old we get, there will always be uncomfortable subjects to discuss with mom and dad. Even as we begin to think of them more as peers (or even friends), they are still the ones who raised us and a level of respect is always necessary. That is part of the reason why confronting an addiction with an older parent proves to be so difficult. But if substance abuse is occurring, it needs to be addressed for the safety and welfare of the family. U.S. News and World Reports recently published a helpful article on this topic, pointing out tips when it comes to parental interventions.

One of the trends that happens to be rising among older Americans is alcoholism. In fact, U.S. News is reporting that as many as 15 percent of U.S. seniors qualify as “at-risk drinkers.”

So how do we approach a mother, father or grandparent suffering from this? With care and thoughtfulness, as addressed in the article’s highlights below…

Find The Right Time To Discuss It

U.S. News emphasized the best moments to bring up a sensitive issue like substance abuse. Their recommendation is to do it during moments of sobriety, or even in the midst of a hangover when the parent is experiencing physical pain because of their problem. Trying to approach a parent while inebriated can prove challenging and ultimately doesn’t always lead to a meaningful conversation.

Avoid Labels

Use your words wisely, the article warns. Throwing out terms like “alcoholic” or “addict” can create defensiveness and even humiliate a parent. The point here is not to criticize the loved one, but rather to offer encouragement and support. Let them know that there is no shame in their problem and that is very common for people their age.

Continue To Show Respect For Your Parents

For many seniors, it is difficult to receive lectures from their grown children. They are, after all, the wise people who raised you and certainly deserve respect. U.S. News advises to avoid “talking down” to a loved one battling an addiction. Emphasize that this is coming from a place of love and genuine concern. Stern lectures and ultimatums can actually backfire in these types of situations.

Offer To Do The Heavy Lifting

If your parent does show interest in conquering their addiction, help guide them along the process. If it makes things easier, you can be the one to reach out to the appropriate treatment facility and coordinate their journey into sobriety.

Identifying The Signs Of Rage Disorder

We all experiences angry moments in everyday life, but at what point does it go beyond that? When does frustration turn to rage and when does “rage” become a problem that requires professional help? The website Romper.com did a nice job categorizing the warning signs of rage disorder into six identifiable traits. Certainly there is more that goes into anger analysis than this (deeper therapy discussions, psychiatric evaluations), but they are some good first steps and we are happy to share them below…

Sign #1: You Can’t Control When You Get Angry

The buzzword most closely associated with this trait is “unmanageability.” If the frustration levels continually overheat and simple inconveniences always seem to set you off, consider this a definitive warning sign of rage.

Sign #2: Guilt After Anger

Remorse is a big part of anger management. Embarrassment is a common trait as well. Having guilty feelings after an outburst can often mean that it was unjustified and probably something out of your control. Rather than experience the shame, seek out help after an temper explosion.

Sign #3: Unhealthy Anger Outlets

This is where things can start to get dangerous. If your frustration levels are leading you to turn to substances or self-harm as a soothing mechanism, there is a real problem at hand.

Sign #4: Continuous Frustration

Romper likened this signal to the term Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). In this scenario, you may find yourself constantly volatile and generally unhappy. There is an extremist attitude of “nothing goes my way,” which can lead to depression and even suicidal thoughts.

Sign #5: Forgetting What Happened During A State Of Rage

Think of this like the “blackout” moments that occur when some drinks or uses too much. Yes, rage can most certainly lead to lost memories because of being too caught up in the moment. If you can’t remember what set you off or how you behaved, your anger is at a very unhealthy stage.

Sign #6: Violence

One of the most dangerous warning signs of them all. If your fits of rage lead to fights, breaking objects or the abuse of the loved one, getting immediate help is essential. No upsetting moment merits harming another person. This could also lead to fines, arrests and serious jail time.

Our advice is to peruse these warning signs carefully and if any (or all) pertain to you, reach out to a trained professional who can help you cope and conquer your demons.

  If you’ve been following our blogs, then you may recall our piece a few weeks back about films that are offering inspiration for addiction survivors. Well for every ying there is a yang, and this week there are a handful of movies being called out for just the opposite. Over on Netflix, two films in particular have been singled out for being insensitive about the topic of mental illness.   Interestingly, the two movies in question happen to be the most popular offerings on the platform right now. Bird Box stars Oscar winner Sandra Bullock and received roughly 45 million views over this holiday month. Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (the other film in question) has been dominating social media as well, but both cover very dark subject matter.   Bird Box has been criticized for “demonizing” mental illness. The plot concerns invisible monsters who encourage victims to take their own lives. That alone is a very touchy subject and it has been said that the way these suicides are handled leave a lot to be desired. What’s worse though, is that people suffering from mental illness become the villains in this movie and actually contribute to the killings.   The website Popbuzz did an admirable job of summarizing the Twitter backlash (posted below).       Black Mirror isn’t faring much better with fans. The website The Mighty focused on that film, saying the plot features insensitive call outs to psychosis, delusions, paranoia and trauma (not to mention lots of blood and gore).   Though the Black Mirror backlash isn’t quite as intense as the Sandra Bullock movie, site writer Elizabeth Cassidy did mention that a warning should be issued before viewers click “Play.” And to her point…Despite the fact that these may be “trendy” films of the moment, you have every right to turn them away and encourage others to do the same.   “It’s OK to skip Bandersnatch if you’re sensitive to these topics,” Cassidy wrote. “Your health and safety are more important than the latest trendy show or movie. If you want to watch the movie but are concerned it might be too much, try watching it with someone you trust.”